


And in the chaos I'll always find my way back to you

by TheBigBang



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Kara Danvers is trying too, Lena Luthor is going through phases, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:02:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26383828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBigBang/pseuds/TheBigBang
Summary: After defeating leviathan, the team has to capture Lex. But even though their missing link is back, the remnants of Kara's and Lena's friendship are still a challenge both women need to overcome. Kara is not giving up and Lena won't risk Kara's life again.orAfter all, they fall in love
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Kelly Olsen, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 35
Kudos: 203





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am not writing this story under the premise that Lena or Kara had romantic feelings before their inevitable fall out mainly because there had been a lot of secrets between them and I really want to give them a chance to develop feelings with the truth out, the challenge being their past failed friendship. 
> 
> I hope you like the story!  
> It is a slow burn but they will get there. The angst will diminish as the plot develops. So I apologize if it's a bit too teary-eyed at the beginning.
> 
> * There is a mention of William but only once for plot purposes.

**Present Day**

Kara took a deep breath the instant she landed on Argo city. She had been gripping the note in her hand so hard that she didn’t realize her nails had cut through her skin.

“Rao, Kara…you are bleeding”

Her mother’s voice even though Alura was in front of her, startled her. She stayed rooted to her spot, unable to move. Unable to release the tension and the fear telling her that everything was her worst nightmare.

“Kara…let go” Her mother had walked up to her and was uncurling her usually strong fingers. Kara noticed her hand was trembling and her mother’s touch almost makes her jerk away if it weren’t that she needed the physical reassurance to not break down in that moment.

Her mind figured out how to breath again when her mother took her injured hand in hers and wrapped it with a handkerchief. The white fabric immediately stained with the blood of the young Kryptonian.

“I- shouldn’t-” was all Kara could say, breathed out. Before she broke down and fell on her knees, Alura hugged her immediately and Kara cried.

The note fell out of her hand and she observed it on the floor. Open but wrinkled with the pressure of her grip, like her heart. It was a miracle the coordinates written on it didn’t fade.

“Kara, what happened?” Alura asked and leaned back without breaking the hug.

“I need” Kara closed her eyes trying to gather strength “I need a ship” she whispered before passing out.

**20 days ago**

Kara was so distracted by the events of the evening that she didn’t notice when her boots softly touched down on Lena’s balcony.

“Kara?”

Lena said her name in a whisper, and Kara looked up, still confused. Lena was in front of her, wearing an elegant silk robe. Her hair was down, and she was leaning on the balcony’s top rail with her arms crossed. It was a full moon and the light washed over them in such a way that Lena’s skin was practically glowing. Kara blinked, quickly forgetting the reason she accidentally ended there; and suddenly wishing to understand how it was possible for Lena’s skin to reflect light as if she were some sort of mythological creature.

 _Beautiful star_ was what came to Kara, and the words echoed in Kryptonian.

“Kara?” Lena repeated, completely turning towards her and hesitant to walk towards her. The space between them invisible yet palpable, and Kara just stood there, observing Lena…because lately after all the chaos, all the misunderstandings and their attempts to work together, the only thing Kara could do was observe Lena trying to find answers to questions they avoided to talk about.

“Oh…” Kara breathed out and stepped back nervously. “Oh…I- I’m sorry” she said and used the rail as support. Finally, she realized she was there, two arm’s length away from Lena, on Lena’s balcony…and she hadn’t been invited, Lena didn’t seem inclined to kick her out but the thought hurt all the same. Before she didn’t need an invitation to enter Lena’s living spaces…or life.

“Are you okay?” Lena asked again and this time decided to step forward.

“Yeah… I…” Kara blinked again, and she held her breath when Lena touched her arm. Lena noticed and removed her hand immediately. Kara almost felt Lena’s touch and hated the sleeves on her suit for a microsecond.

“Kara?” Lena repeated a third time, her green eyes observing Kara entirely, searching for a physical wound. Her eyes squeezed a little, her gaze travelling through Kara’s face, starting at her forehead, her chin, her neck, and the rest of her body. It would have felt as a once over, if it weren’t because Lena did it so carefully, making sure she wasn’t missing any sign of blood or injury. The attention made Kara breathless again…and she wanted to close the distance with a hug.

Instead, Kara shook her head, and gripped the railing tightly, grounding herself. The material deformed under her fingers, she had to take a deep breath before speaking again.

“I didn’t mean to impose…” Kara avoided Lena’s attentive eyes, smiling briefly and looking at her hands. Now that her identity was in the open, she struggled to keep her usual Supergirl raise-chin-and-hands-on-hips stance in front of Lena. She discovered, she could be Kara Zor-El easily with Lena, the pride and the shyness just _happened_ , and Kara didn’t even register when or why. It was a natural reaction…like the mysterious reason she had ended there in the first place.

“You aren’t” was the immediate response “imposing…I mean” Lena said shrugging. “Do you want to come in?” The brunette tilted her head towards the interior of her penthouse, and Kara didn’t miss how the other woman was holding her breath.

Kara nodded and stepped inside but didn’t move to far away from the balcony’s door and Lena stood in the middle of the livingroom looking around as if trying to find an invisible script to read to be able to talk to Kara. They looked misplaced, and Kara knew Lena knew, because it felt like that most of the times they were left alone.

They could still work together to stop Lex. But somehow, they were still… _apart_. In fact, Lena touching her arm was the first act of physical contact they had since they decided to work together. Kara saw their new relationship as two colleagues working together rather than friends working together…and Kara wanted the latter. Maybe a bit more selfishly than Lena, because somehow the brunette had silently decided to give her space, so much space that they barely talked about anything that was not related to Lex. 

After all, Lex had disappeared yet again and each day it became even more difficult to find him. The entire team would spend hours analyzing the possible places were Lex could have gone; Lena even had to personally take secret trips to Lex’s old labs in search for some sort of clue, but they could not find anything.

Kara was growing more frustrated every day that passed, Lena had been losing her patience as well, but no one was mentioning it. The silent tension was palpable between them, and apparently Alex, Kelly, Brainy, Nia, Jon and Megan had decided to leave them alone whenever they found them in the same room. Because whenever they thought they got Lex and they did not Kara would walk straight to their training room to hit something and Lena would lock herself in her lab to keep working.

“I can’t keep going on like this” Kara blurted out, the memories of the past days flashing in her mind. It had been a month of _carefully_ acknowledging each other’s presence in the other’s life, but it always seemed they weren’t going anywhere, not with finding Lex and not with fixing their broken relationship.

“I was trying to be considerate” Lena said softly while walking to the kitchen. She took two cups and poured water on them. Kara was going to make a comment about Lena’s apparent dismissal of her well-equipped minibar but remained silent. Instead she ventured a couple of extra steps, ending up away from the balcony door and closer to Lena’s couch. She wished she could sit, that both could sit there and actually talk like old friends, but she knew that was a wild dream.

“And I am trying to give you time” Kara managed to say, taking the cup that Lena offered her when she returned from the kitchen. Kara stepped aside giving Lena space and really trying not to start an argument. For what? She didn’t know. Was lack of friendship a valid argument?

“Is it fair though?” Lena asked drinking from her cup. Her eyes never moving away from Kara’s, waiting for an already predicted response.

“What are you talking about?” Kara said confused after quickly swallowing all the content in her cup. Lena did the same as if getting ready for an argument.

Kara observed her, waiting for a response and getting ready for whatever comeback Lena had in store, she refused to start the argument, not this time.

But nothing happened, Lena just turned around and walked to the balcony door to close it. The moonlight fell on her hair this time and Kara’s resolve to remain silently angry vanished. Instead, Kara wondered if dark hair was supposed to look liquid under silver lights.

She followed Lena and stood next to her. In that instant Lena turned and took Kara’s cup from her hands, their fingers never touching; and walked away from Kara. Kara started to believe Lena was testing her patience somehow, because that was a new development too. Lena walking away when Kara was close enough to touch. When their shoulders were millimeters away or their hands were close enough. Kara could still feel Lena’s hand on her arm from minutes before, as if her touch branded itself through the suit and on her skin…and she missed it already. 

“We have been working together for a month now, there had been no issues between us…no misunderstandings…we are not capturing Lex yet, but we haven’t challenged each other to the point of confrontation” Lena said while putting the cups inside the dishwasher.

Lena’s voice was soft yet firm making Kara want to protest…loudly.

But she tempered herself, protesting when speaking with Lena never turned out well. “Are you serious?” she shout-whispered and turned around completely. “You want us to give up?” she asked, angry and offended, but composed. 

Lena walked up to her again but stopped in the middle of the living room, a safe distance between them. “If we have something good working between us, why change it?”

Kara huffed at her pragmatism and shook her head while she started pacing. “So…you were giving me space so you could stop trying?” “So I could realize it was better” she pointed between them “this way? With us working together but acting like strangers?”

“Kara…” Lena said, and she sounded tired, but Kara couldn’t _not_ get mad anymore.

“Oh you have some nerve…” she said walking towards Lena but forcing herself to stop before getting too close. 

Lena shook her head and crossed her arms. “We had the worst fall out…” “I cannot get it out of my head…the way I lied to you, the way I hurt you…I remember all I did and it’s like rewinding a terrible hurtful movie…a nightmare…” Lena’s voice broke at the last word, while her eyes reddened with tears. She hugged herself and closed her eyes. “How? Kara?” she whispered; and the _how can we fix this_ remained unsaid yet filled the space between them.

Kara’s anger immediately deflated, and she wished she could hug her, comfort her somehow, maybe find some comfort as well. But she knew, now they had new boundaries…boundaries that Kara was not used to have. Interacting with Lena this way, from afar was like learning a different body language, Kara could feel her body rebelling against it, her heart even. It was beating so fast watching Lena cry that maybe it was okay if it jumped out of her chest and hugged Lena’s instead.

Regardless, Kara took another deep breath and remained still.

“I am here…” Kara whispered, wishing Lena could let her be as close as she did before. But also remembering Lena’s mention of different nightmares, remembering how she ended up stealing Lex’s diaries. She swallowed hard because her eyes became blurry instantly. She wished forgiveness were easier, and it could have been if their mistakes just didn’t hurt _so much_.

Kara wondered when their friendship started hurting like this, when it had become a matter of trusting each other enough to break each other’s hearts…which they did. “I am still here” she repeated relentless because that was all she could do to brave through the mess they made. 

“But it still hurts” Lena contradicted “And I want to…I want things to be like before…some resemblance maybe…but-“ 

Kara nodded understanding, she had curled her fingers into fists because she wanted it to be easy, she wanted their issues to be a wall she could punch through.

“I think about it too…” Kara said looking at her with all the honesty she could muster. “The arguments we had, the ways I reacted…even when I almost called you a villain…I can’t take any of it back…I wish I could…I wish us…me…didn’t remind you of our mistakes” she spoke in a tempered whisper because in reality she wanted to shout, not at Lena but at the annoying space between them.

Lena hugged herself more tightly as if feeling Kara’s frustration and Kara couldn’t help it, she wanted to hug her…she needed to be closer. She walked towards Lena clear in her intent but stopped half a step away. Lena was looking up at her, her green eyes slightly alarmed and Kara’s heart dropped to the floor. It was a different body language indeed, Lena’s shining and smiling eyes before Kara would hug her was branded in Kara’s memory and it punched her in the chest, because instead she got teary eyes reflecting her own pain. Suddenly, Kara’s memories of their friendship felt like a different reality that kept slipping through her fingers. 

The hug never came but the moment remained, and Kara could feel relief washing over her at the newfound closeness. Lena was still there; she hadn’t stepped back. Her arms were not crossed anymore, and Kara allowed herself to imagine that it was Lena’s involuntary reaction. Maybe she wanted to hug her back as much as she wanted too. Maybe she missed the comfort of her presence too. They were only half-feet apart anyways.

Selfishly, all Kara needed now, was to stay a couple of minutes within Lena’s personal space, maybe she could absorb enough of her proximity and gain a bit more of hope that they would be close again…that their friendship would finally be better…that she would get a second chance to make it better and that Lena would take that chance with her. 

“We can’t get distracted…We need to focus on capturing L-” Lena whispered as if reading Kara’s mind. 

“Don’t talk about him” Kara interrupted her, shaking her head. “Not here…not now” she added and slowly reached for Lena’s hands, their knuckles brushed. If hope had a physical description, the friction of Lena’s soft skin with hers would be it.

Lena closed her eyes briefly. “I do miss you” she said before opening her eyes again.

“I miss you too” Kara whispered, unable to hold a sniff and stepping just a bit closer. She could easily hug Lena now, but she didn’t.

“I trust you” Lena added while their fingers barely touched, almost intertwining. There was a familiarity in the moment, Kara looking down and Lena looking back up at her, they were in a warm bubble of space yet full of broken pieces. 

“I trust you too” Kara said fighting the urge to fit her hands in Lena’s. They never held hands before or not long enough that Kara remembered, it was not necessary, they always hugged. Now it felt necessary, like some lifeline Kara had to latch onto…yet she didn’t.

“It’s not enough” Lena whispered while stepping back slowly, a tear found it’s way through her pale cheek and she quickly removed it with the back of her hand.

Kara nodded and remained there for a moment longer, Lena was looking at her and Kara held her gaze. “Yet” she whispered and silently turned around walking towards the balcony.

When she was about to take off, she looked back at Lena one more time. Lena just hugged herself again and mouthed a “Be safe”

Kara took off holding back tears, a river of new promises of loyalty and the re-born desire to burn Lex to a crisp. She knew she had to give herself and Lena time to heal and process all the changes, but knowing versus doing, was the hardest part. She had always admired Lena for that, for her self-control when things turned sour. Kara used to involuntary break things instead.

“Stop thinking” she told herself after she entered her apartment and changed clothes. Her phone vibrated in response.

She had received a text message.

 **William:** I hope you arrived home well, and your emergency was sorted out. I enjoyed spending time with you.

Kara remembered why she ended distractedly landing on Lena’s balcony. She had gone on a date with William, they had tried their luck at the Karaoke machine again and managed to win a prize for the couple with the best harmony and song selection.

He had kissed her by the end of the night.

Kara kissed him back.

.

.

.

She didn’t feel anything.

All the mystery of dating him dissolved as the kiss ended.

Kara found herself looking back at William unable to say anything back. Instead, she bolted telling him she needed to help Alex with an emergency at work.

The buildup to their date had been full of so much anticipation on her part, mostly because she finally felt ready to date again after Mon-El and she was curious, and half convinced she and William could work out.

It turned out they would not and now she had to tell him.

Kara sighed and buried her face in her pillow groaning. That was a conversation she would have to have with William now. She was emotionally exhausted. So much that for an evil second, she considered ghosting the guy but, in her gut, she knew she was just not going to do it. “Hey Google, what is the best way to reject someone?” she tried her luck with google instead. “According to healthyrelationships.com, to reject someone nicely do as follows, one, avoid putting it off…under any circumstances…”

Kara buried her face further in the pillow. “I know, I know” she mumbled while her phone vibrated again interrupting Google’s response.

 **Lena:** Good night, Kara.

Kara unceremoniously turned on her back and held her phone up, blinking at the text. It was the first time Lena texted her. She read the text twice and smiled before texting back.

.

.

.

Lena Luthor was covered from head to toe in her comforter, looking at her phone. Utterly unsure whether this was the right course of action, but following a silly gut feeling that it was.

 **Kara:** Sleep well, Lena.

Lena stared at the response for five minutes before falling asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and Lena are going through phases.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for the comments! I really appreciate them.   
> I hope you like this chapter as well. It was rather difficult to write since I was trying to balance some of Lena's own guilt and well how she moves on from it...she is getting there.   
> Yes, I kinda complained about the terrible writing of the show.

**14 days ago**

“One, duck”

“Two, punch”

“Duck, punch, kick”

“Again”

Lena took a deep breath, feeling the strain travelling through her arm muscles.

“You need to keep this pace for ten more minutes miss Luthor” the voice of her AI indicated as she started to slow down. “Your vitals show me you can do it”

“The fact that something is physically possible-“ “Fuck!” Lena tried to say but after the twentieth repetition, her wrist bent when her right hand hit the punching bag.

“Doesn’t mean the human subject is mentally prepared for it, Hope” she said observing her wrist. “Please, run a complete body scan”

“I don’t detect any musculature tear or bone fracture; however, the ligaments in your wrist show swelling”

Lena nodded, she took her water bottle and walked out of her training room.

She took her first aid kit and sat on her livingroom couch. “Would you like me to turn on the TV?” – Hope asked – “There seems to be a fire downtown, Supergirl is on the move”

Lena sighed – “It’s alright, leave the TV off” she said the instant she saw a blur in the sky.

Lena thought she had learnt to move on from disappointment early in her life. From the moment her mother died and Lionel took her in, her father loved her but he was never there, Lillian never accepted her but always made sure to make her feel she wasn’t worth her attention…and Lex, well…Lex manipulated her only to imprint his extreme ideologies on her. She was a means to an end to him, in a twisted way…the perfect twin sister his ego would have wanted to have. Unfortunately for him, she was not his twin and Lionel showed her affection, told her she was worth something…in a twisted way.

“ _I see you and I see Lex and you, together…taking over the technology industry…leading this world to advancement” “You are the goodness Lex needs and he is the protector you will need”_ were Lionel’s last words to her.

Unfortunately for her, Lex was never a protector. He was a bully.

She made the mistake of not fully move on from Lionel’s words. But in her confused mind, she had managed to move on from Jack. She gave Lillian a second chance, she tried to save Lex’s life…yet, she pushed Jack away…she never gave Andrea a chance to explain herself…although the later was debatable…and she went on a full Luthor style revenge with Kara.

She had done the opposite of what she wanted to do when she arrived at National City. She moved on from the wrong people and still tried to _save_ them, she should have accepted they will always see her as a tool not as a human being.

“I am proud of you Lena” Lillian’s words echoed in her mind and she wished she had never rescued her. No matter what Kara’s ideals of family were. Better people deserved second chances, people who wanted to be better and actually tried to be better deserved second chances. Luthors they didn’t. They considered anyone with less IQ than them below their standards, as not deserving of their attention or care. They used second chances as ways to take advantage. Lena sometimes wondered if it would have been better if she would have been born not genius, maybe Lionel would have been more inclined to ignore her existence. Maybe…she would have been happy. 

She couldn’t wonder anymore. Her actions had caught up to her…and it was nerve-wracking. Because it had felt good, in the moment of anger, it felt good to give in, she felt empowered and in control and just _couldn’t_ stop. Like a short lived addiction, she was hurting…all her perfectly organized boxes were in fact blown up when Lex told her who Kara was and she went off the rails. The old Lena, who had worked so hard to be _normal,_ tolerant and forgiving, died and a new Lena surfaced…and it broke her heart. Because old or new, the different versions of herself, the tamed one and the angered one, were still the same. She was still the same. Both were real, her mistakes were painfully real and it was hard not to remember her own voice screaming at Kara full of pain and anger. 

Regardless, now she had to brave through her own actions and train until she could see Lex again, so she could punch his bald smug face, maybe that would make her feel better, less guilty…maybe, it would make her feel more like Lena Luthor than Lex’s sister. 

” _Lena, Luthors…we are not brutes…we use our minds to take down our enemies…not…petty fighting”_ Lex’s voice echoed in her mind.

Lena shook her head and poured herself some whisky “Yeah, right”

“I thought you stopped drinking” Hope pointed out and Lena grimaced.

“I still need alcohol when thinking about my brother” and to not burn all his secret labs to the ground. She said enjoying the bitter taste of the drink.

She was trying to limit her alcohol consumption yes. Because even though she didn’t easily get drunk, once she did…she tended to get more emotional… _soft_ …and there was also the fact that keeping her distance from Kara hurt so much that she ended up drinking almost a bottle of wine after a day of working with the “Superfriends”.

“Hope, open the damn door” she had said one of those nights. 

“I am sorry Miss Luthor, but you instructed me to not let you out if you were drunk past nine at night” Hope answered, her emotionless voice echoed in her mind like bells of a church. She hated going to church.

Lena had then punched the door with her fists clumsily. “How do you apologize for being a shitty friend, Hope?” she then asked trying to keep her words from slurring. She sat on the floor, her back pressed against the door, and imagined Kara’s horrified expression if she were to see her in that moment. Mentally, she thanked herself for shielding her entire penthouse from Kara’s echolocation abilities. If the blonde had noticed she didn’t mention it.

“You instructed me to not give you an answer to that question” Hope had answered.

Lena hiccupped and smiled to herself. “So…no dramatic gestures?” she said pulling her legs towards her chest and wrapping her arms around them. She rested her chin on her knees and closed her eyes, the floor felt like spiraling under her ass. 

“I should also remind you that I have blocked your access to your credit cards and bank accounts, another of your instructions Miss Luthor”

“It’s not like I would buy CatCo back only for Kara” Lena tried to defend herself, but she knew she would. She was drunk, broken-hearted, without friends and missing Kara, of course she would. She would buy CatCo back, even the DEO if it was possible. She would even put a billboard on the building in front of Kara’s office with a huge “I’m sorry I fucked up” written on it.

“I should remind you, that’s what you did when you were friends” Hope indicated. “You also overflowed her office with flowers as a friendly gesture for saving your life”

“I get it”

“The first time, it was logical of you to buy CatCo, even though in a different universe, it generated extra revenue for your company and reinforced your financial status. The second time, the flowers were a gentle inexperienced gesture…after all you never had friends like her before. But a third time, it would be a pattern and your image as the last sane Luthor heir could be jeopardized…you can’t show softness before re-branding LuthorCorp again”

Lena groaned covering her face with her hands. “I get it, Hope” “Just…”

“I am just following-“

“your instructions Miss Luthor, yes, I know…I programmed you” Lena completed.

Hope remained silent after that and Lena dragged herself to bed. The next morning she woke up with a terrible hangover, her dignity somewhat intact; and her relationship with Kara as awkward as it could get.

But that was the past. 

Now, Lena had been training and the evening was young, and even though Kara was in Supergirl duty in that moment, her help was not requested. So Lena could indulge herself with another drink.

She poured herself more whiskey and was about to take another sip when Hope interrupted her once again.

“Miss Luthor-“

“It’s not even nine” Lena complained.

“Alex Danvers is at your door..and..I am not sure..she is trying to find a bell or the lock…it’s difficult to describe”

Lena sighed and walked away from her mini bar before giving her abandoned drink a sad look. “Let her in” she instructed and waited by the door.

“Luthor”

“Danvers”

They greeted each other with a nod and serious looks.

“How can I be of service?” Lena asked noticing Alex was hesitating to start the conversation, which intrigued her as well. The ex-DEO agent was usually straight forward.

“You have re-decorated?” Alex asked instead, referring to the color of the walls. “I remember them white for some reason”

Lena grew more intrigued but answered the question. “It’s not black” she may have been drunk and called some service to have the walls of her penthouse painted green, a dark green. Another reason to lock herself down after drinking past nine in the evening. “It’s a dark green and white bored me”

“Can I have a drink?” Alex said instead.

Lena turned around, walking back to her mini bar with Alex following her. “You know, you don’t have to force yourself to be friendly with me”

“Believe me, I don’t want to…it’s way way too soon for me but-“ Alex occupied the nearest stool and before Lena could offer her anything to drink, she took Lena’s glass with whiskey and downed it’s content.

“Miss Luthor, should I lock the doors?” Hope’s voiced interrupted her one more time.

Alex blinked and stood up. “Really?” she said looking around as if ready to be kidnapped at gunpoint.

Lena huffed. “Hope, that protocol doesn’t apply to Alex Danvers. Do not lock the doors”

“Understood” Hope answered and went silent.

“You have a locking down protocol?” Alex asked.

“Do you really want to know why? Or would you rather tell me why you are here?” Lena went for composed and calm but the words came out defensively regardless.

Alex observed her and sighed, deciding to speak. “You and Kara are texting again”

Just like that Lena wished she wouldn’t have let Alex in.

“Yes” she admitted “Are you here to tell me to back off?” Once more her defensiveness surprised her. That meant she couldn’t really blame the alcohol entirely for her impulsive behavior.

“You play poker, do you?” Alex asked again and Lena glared at her. They were not friends, they were not enemies either…they were allies and even before Kara’s secrets they had a rocky relationship. So Lena was not particularly afraid of Alex Danvers, she knew their boundaries.

“Stop being vague Miss Danvers”

“Stop acting as if you were bluffing, because you give Kara space and I was okay with it but now you don’t?” Alex asked “I know you know, she doesn’t give up easily and she won’t give up on trying to fix your friendship…”

“It’s only texting” Lena said pouring herself a glass of wine instead. Whiskey was too strong to have an argument with Alex Danvers. She needed to have some composure. Specially if their topic was Kara.

Lena didn’t think her texting activities were Alex’s business but was surprised Kara had taken a couple of days to mention it to Alex. Which made her think that maybe Alex accidentally found out Lena and Kara were texting again. But was it really that big of a deal? They didn’t even go past the usual greetings and Kara’s occasional “I hope you had lunch” reminders. In all honesty, Lena was terrible at texting Kara these days. 

“For you it maybe, for Kara it’s hope” Alex said crossing her arms “And I can’t protect my sister from alien invasions, or Lex’s plans…but I can damn make sure she doesn’t get her heart broken again”

“Do you need my assistance?” Hope interrupted them and Lena almost laughed at Alex’s confused expression.

“What? Lena…I mean Luthor…control your AI” Alex said looking at the roof as if ready to draw a gun and shoot it.

Lena sighed and walked up to Alex, arms extended to the sides as a sign of compliance and looked at her. “What do you want from me Agent Danvers?” “I am doing the best I can to find Lex, I am trying to fix my mistakes one by one…I am here…and I have let you in, allowing you to come and tell me to back off from your sister’s life”

“But you won’t back off would you?” Alex quickly said crossing her arms and Lena straightened her posture instinctively. Aside from wanting to fix her mistakes, she wasn’t sure why Kara’s opinion of her just kept being an important part of her life. But that didn’t mean she was going to let Alex Danvers intimidate her. Not when she had been demonstrating she had Kara’s and everyone else’s backs. She was taking responsibility the best she knew how. 

“Is it really me who should back off?” Lena asked instead.

“Kara won’t but would you?” Alex insisted.

“Just because you ask me to?” Lena said and shook her head. “I don’t think I will, much less now…”

Alex observed her and remained silent for a couple of seconds.

“I don’t blame you for not trusting me though” Lena added “If that helps”

Alex nodded and took a deep breath before speaking again. “For whatever reason Kara still wants to be friends with you”

“I tried to convince her otherwise” Lena said.

“Do you want to be friends again?” Alex asked.

“If I didn’t I wouldn’t be letting you interrogate me…again…in my house” Lena said.

“Just making sure, Luthor…just making sure” Alex said placing her hands on her hips and looking around again. “Gosh, why you had to paint it black?”

“Dark green” Lena corrected stepping away from the woman and walking back to her minibar. The tension starting to ride its way down. Lena couldn’t help but picture her relationship with Alex like a sine wave…full of ups and downs. 

“Is my questioning over?” Lena asked “Or will you keep confusing dark green with black?” she added smugly, just to bother the other woman.

Alex glared at her and pointed an accusing finger at her. “You break Kara’s heart again and I will punch you in the face Luthor, I swear I will punch your perfect annoying face and I won’t feel sorry about it”

Lena almost smiled. In Alex Danver’s language that was an _I am okay with you slowly returning to my sister’s life._ “And I won’t stop you if that happens” Lena said calmly.

Alex smirked. “As if you could stop me” she said turning around and heading to the door.

“Agent Danvers” Lena called her before Alex stepped outside.

Alex turned looking at her impatiently. “I am sorry” Lena said sincerely.

“For what?” Alex asked looking around again, as if Lena was going to kidnap her, her hand already on her gun. It would have been funny under different circumstances. But it was also a relieve that Lena still made Alex a bit scared. Yet-

“Miss Luthor, your guest has her gun outside the acceptable perimeter of safety…should I enable the Snipper protocol?” Hope said making both women flinch.

“What the hell?” Alex huffed out, removing her hand from her gun.

Lena sighed. “Hope, Alex Danvers is not a threat” she quickly said.

“Understood” Hope replied and went silent again.

Alex looked at Lena confused but waiting for her to finish what she was initially trying to say.

“I was apologizing for deceiving you too, I know we were never the closest friends…and you expected me to eventually become what I…sadly became…so…I am sorry for hurting you by hurting Kara”

Alex scratched her chin and looked at her again, Lena just waited for a flat out _I don’t care_.

Instead, Alex took a deep breath. “Thank you” she said politely and turned around, not without glancing at the roof, as if waiting for rifles to come out of nowhere.

Lena wasn’t expecting anything close to a heart to heart from Alex Danvers, yet the polite gesture felt like a good new beginning.

“Miss Luthor, Agent Danvers keeps looking at the cameras installed on the superior corners…should I activate the-“

“Hope… _please_ …don’t” “God, I really need to fix that bug of yours…you are as annoying as a Google Assistant” Lena said shaking her head.

“I am definitely much more effective and evolved than Google Assistant, Siri, Cortana or any other AI” Hope answered.

“Then why would you consider going guns out with Agent Danvers?” “She is Kara’s sister…”

“Your security takes priority in my protocol Miss Luthor” Hope replied and Lena rolled her eyes. “Just do not try to murder my ex-bestfriend’s sister the next time, okay?”

“I don’t think there will be a next time, your interactions indicate you are-“

“Hope…stop”

“Understood”

.

.

.

Andrea Rojas was in a pickle.

She was expecting it, she saw it coming from a mile away after the inevitable failure of the lenses. But she didn’t expect it to get to her as fast.

She had clearly underestimated Lex, his capacity to hold a grudge and his way of getting revenge on the ones who betray him.

Lex had somehow taken all the money LuthorCorp invested on Obsidian North and had managed to even turn the tables such that now Obsidian North was in a billion-range financial debt with LuthorCorp.

“We are following protocol Miss Rojas, each Obsidian North property needs to be accounted for so we can get a net money value” a short man in a suit and glasses had said while taking note of the total number of chairs in one of her labs.

“I fully doubt the value of the chairs will help my company survive a bankruptcy or will contribute in any way to pay back LuthorCorp” Andrea murmured to herself.

The auditor just shrugged his shoulders and kept writing things on his notepad.

She had considered going to Lena, ask for her help, now that they were in better terms but she wasn’t a shameless person. After all the things that happened between them, she just couldn’t. Even less after Lena saved her from killing Supergirl. Her life would have been over, company and all, she would have been the disgrace of her family and her father if that would have happened. So no, she couldn’t go to Lena for help. She needed to find another way.

“People are really starting to read more newspapers and magazines, like in the old days” an intern commented in one of the meetings at CatCo.

Andrea who was looking at a spreadsheet in her laptop looked up.

The intern was a young high school student and he was showing something in his phone screen at Kara.

Andrea blinked…and idea starting to form in her head.

“Who published that?” William asked joining them and looking over the young man’s shoulders.

“The Daily Planet” Kara said “At least people have learnt not to fully immerse themselves with technology”

“Or to not get themselves killed in virtual worlds” Nia added and of course the room went dead silent.

Kara shoot Nia an alarmed look and everyone else turned to look at Andrea.

“Er…hum…bad timing?” Nia said blushing.

“Hmmm” Andrea remained silent and stood up. Kara Danvers was good with words, her article exposing Lex and Leviathan working together was a literal masterpiece. If only she could put that intellect and inspiration to good use so people around the world would be interested enough in reading CatCo’s publications, so maybe she could generate enough revenue to pay off Obsidian North’s debts. What was she missing?

“Many of them thank Supergirl, now people also see her as an inspiration to be better…” The intern said, as he kept reading the article.

“Well, that’s one of the things she stands for” Kara said smiling and Andrea detected the pride in her voice.

She knew Kara Danvers and Supergirl were the same person. She figured it out after being rescued by her. She had been close enough to her to notice the underlying similarity between Kara Danvers’ and Supergirl’s features. She thought of telling Lena, since the younger Luthor seemed to be oddly deceived but thought Lena was just pretending not to know…or both. Anyways, that was none of her business, the blonde hero and her ex-best friend seemed to regard each other carefully yet with longing and Andrea really didn’t want to get her head bitten off for asking the wrong questions.

“Questions!” she shout-whispered, making everyone in the room look at her again. “How could I miss it?!” she added smiling and walking around the table to reach to Kara.

The blonde adjusted her glasses and shrugged while standing up, Nia rolled away from them on her chair and William told the intern he would introduce him some other people at CatCo.

“Everyone, this meeting is dismissed until further notice” Andrea said and everyone started scattering away not without giving Kara curious looks.

“An idea?” Kara asked.

“Yes, Miss Danvers…an idea” Andrea said and signaled Kara to follow her to her office.

“Does that idea not need to be shared with everyone?” Kara asked while Andrea closed the door of her office behind her back.

“Humm…it will be shared with everyone…only if you accept my proposition”

“What do you mean?” Kara asked, her eyebrows burrowing.

Andrea took her seat behind her desk and leaned back, crossing her legs. “You will see Kara. I am trying to fix the mistakes I made with Obsidian, but now…” she pointed at the screens behind her back which showed the embarrassingly low stock of her company. “Now I can’t if Obsidian goes bankrupt”

“I have made a commitment to the users and their families that Obsidian will compensate them financially for the damage caused by our lenses, I want to start a mental health institution to help our users move on from the disastrous experiences they had when using the lenses, if they had any…and I want to help the ones that needed to create a virtual world to feel less lonely or depressed to get the help they need…” “But I can’t do any of it…if…”

“You are bankrupt” Kara said

“Yes” Andrea said “But CatCo can” “You can”

Kara adjusted her glasses “I am sorry but I don’t see how I can be helpful” “The only person I think could help is Le-“

“I can’t ask for her help” Andrea interrupted her. “I am not sure how much she told you about our friendship…but we used to be best-friends”

“Used to be?”

Andrea nodded, Kara looked surprised if not indisposed and maybe hopeless after hearing the new information. 

“Let’s say I helped her find something that could have stopped Lex from mass murdering innocents…but took it to save my father’s company…Obsidian North”

Now, Andrea didn’t think she was good at spotting people’s emotions from their facial expressions but in this moment Kara’s were clear. “Kara? Are you alright?”

Kara’s face had gone blank and Andrea could swear she noticed her posture going stiff…defensive. The blonde crossed her arms and adjusted her glasses again. “I…yeah…I get it”

“Right”

“But then, I don’t see how I can be useful”

“Well…we need a good article…an honest to god article that everyone will want to read and then talk about…”

“I am sorry but right now I don’t have many ideas”

“Which I do” Andrea said and smiled. Kara looked at her nervously.

“You will see, there is something I missed when I created the lenses…I thought I was helping people live a reality they choose…something that they created that was not predefined by their past choices or their families choices…”

“I am…quite familiar with that”

“As I am” “As all of us are, Kara…as children we don’t have control over the decisions our parents make…when we become adults we are presented with a society we are told to accept based on the options our parents were able to provide to us…we try to defy our options though…we try to find our identities as individuals…find our place in the world…but that is not easy…isn’t it?”

“Hardly”

“So we try to evolve…change society’s views for the better...so we can make it a better place for all of us…more inclusive…but not everyone is willing to do the same…”

“But most of us do try to be understanding and adaptable”

“Then why everyone created an alternate reality to live in?”

Kara uncrossed her arms and shook her head as if Andrea was not seeing the obvious. Andrea just waited.

“It’s not that they can’t adapt…or that we can’t adapt…it’s that we are scared of things that are different from what we want them to be…we need to feel safe…so people searched for that safe place in the virtual world…because there their lives were as they wanted them to be…it’s…sad…but that’s the truth…”

Andrea smiled. “I couldn’t have said it better”

“So you want me to write about the difficulties of growing up and the fear of change?”

“Partially” Andrea said and stood up. “I want you to interview Supergirl and write about her difficulties growing up, her own fear to change and how she confronted her…”

“I want to know how she sees herself” “Whether she struggles or not with her secret identity” “Who were her parents…how they shaped her”

Kara blinked. “Hu?”

Andrea nodded. “Supergirl is one of the worlds best role models for everyone…she represents bravery, she represents justice…but how can she be human to the eyes of people when they don’t know she went through similar experiences? If they don’t know she goes through similar experiences…”

“But I- I mean you-“

“We know the story of Superman, we know he was sent here as a baby by his parents and was raised by one of the healthiest couples on Earth otherwise he wouldn’t be half the hero he is today” “But I bet Supergirl’s story is different…”

Kara swallowed hard and blinked more.

Andrea just shrugged. “So, do you think you can do it?”

“Do you think that will really help Obsidian?” Kara asked when she found her voice.

“I think it will help Obsidian and other people as well…” Andrea said holding her breath.

Kara hesitated though. “But it could be dangerous to expose Supergirl emotionally like that”

“I see the danger, but I trust your ethics as a journalist…and I think Supergirl will trust you as well”

Kara tilted her head and observed her, this time she didn’t adjust her glasses and Andrea realized she might just have unintentionally told Kara she knows her secret.

“I would have to ask her” Kara finally said “And give her time to think about it”

“Fair enough” Andrea said sitting again on her chair.

“I will let you know when she replies” Kara said turning around slowly. She looked pensive. Andrea wondered if she needed an extra push to convince her.

“Miss Danvers”

Kara turned. “Can I tell you something…hypothetically, but you promise to not ask questions?”

Kara hesitated but nodded.

“Hypothetically…when the lenses failed…Supergirl went into the virtual world to safe all the people linked to the system and she was at her most vulnerable”

Kara’s face remained expressionless, but her eyes grew slightly wider. She nodded as if listening, but Andrea knew both knew what she was talking about.

“Hypothetically, someone was forced to kill her with a Kryptonite dagger…a stab wound to her heart would have been enough…someone with the ability to travel in the shadows would easily do it”

Kara’s face started changing and Andrea prayed to god she was not prompting the kryptonian to throw her to space for admitting to trying to kill her. 

“But?” Kara asked.

Andrea sighed relieved. “But hypothetically…a Luthor was there and convinced that someone to be a better person, to be different because somehow that Luthor was inspired by Supergirl…”

Kara exhaled as if relieved…by what? Andrea couldn’t tell.

“Hypothetically a Luthor saved Supergirl’s life because Supergirl probably saved hers too” Andrea added, there was nothing else she could say now. That was all her truth, it was Kara’s decision how to use it.

Kara nodded, and somehow her posture had tensed even more. She walked towards the door ready to leave but held it open. She turned and Andrea observed her, wondering if Kara changed her mind.

“Hypothetically…that Luthor is not alone anymore” was all Kara said.

Andrea thought Kara meant it as comment, but it felt like a warning.

“I never thought otherwise” she said for good measure.

“Good” Kara concluded and left her office.

“What on Earth do this two have for each other?” Andrea asked herself because now she was utterly confused.

.

.

.

**Kara:** Can I come over?

Lena hesitated before replying. It had been about a week since Kara visited that night. In those days they had been texting again and were more comfortable working together. Lena was not getting as drunk anymore after working with the “Superfriends” and even though she still couldn’t pinpoint Lex’s trail, her reduced stress helped her to formulate a new idea to get to Lex and/or Lillian.

That didn’t mean that seeing Kara again made her feel less nervous about it. 

**Lena:** Sure

Kara read the reply and hovered down on Lena’s balcony.

Lena was sitting on her couch but stood up quickly and surprised. “Were you already here when you texted?” she asked opening the balcony door for Kara to enter.

Kara nodded but didn’t say anything, she just observed her. It felt like Deja-vu, the way Kara was silent and how this time again, Kara’s cape fell elegantly from her shoulders and barely touched the carpet…her posture was tall and confident, but her expression was soft. She was speechless as she had been that first night, and again she turned to look at Lena and the young Luthor found gentle blue eyes asking a silent question Lena couldn’t guess…and again, Lena was drawn to her and she walked up to the kryptonian like a compass finding its north.

“Kara?”

Kara didn’t reply. Andrea’s last words were circling her mind. Making her wonder why Lena wouldn’t tell her what had happened that day. Making her doubt to mention it. Lena had been her hero too. Against all odds, and Kara hadn’t known until now, until a month after.

Lena didn’t think she could still read Kara’s expressions as good as before. But she willed her brain to remember anyways. Kara was silent but tense, her eyebrows were slightly furrowed, her lips were almost pursed, and her hands were curling into fists.

Lena realized that all this time she had been willingly blind, she had seen those same expressions in Kara Danvers and Supergirl separately…what she was seeing now was a mixture of both. She wondered if Kara realized how transparent she was with Lena. Regardless, the openness gave Lena hope they were on the right path. 

“Hey” Lena whispered distractively, too enthralled in Kara’s change in features and reached out to touch her. 

Kara’s eyes followed her movement and Lena realized she was touching Kara’s shoulder. Again, as last time Lena retracted, but this time Kara stopped her mid-motion. Lena’s hand ended wrapped within warm kryptonian fingers and partially covering Kara’s kryptonian emblem, close to her heart.

Lena knew Kara was warm in many ways, she had a warm personality, she was always welcoming, and she always managed to get from Lena some sort of physical contact, usually hugs which were warm as well. But their hands…they never touched hands…not long enough that Lena could remember…yet now…now Kara’s hand felt as intimate as a hug…as warming and welcoming and even accepting of something Lena still couldn’t guess.

Lena’s shell of guilt softened with the touch and suddenly she found herself rooted in front of the kryptonian. Feeling tall and so comfortably small at the same time, not sure how Kara was managing to take her breath away by just looking at her. 

“Kara?” Lena managed to say again.

Kara looked at their hands and Lena could feel her thumb drawing patterns on her knuckles. “You have calluses”

“I do?” Lena asked finding her voice.

Kara nodded and Lena stepped closer, tiptoeing to look better. Kara seemed to have forgotten she was taller than Lena.

Indeed, there were patches of hard skin and superficial bruises on her knuckles. Lena remembered her training and wondered if Kara would like the idea. 

“Let me see?” Kara said and stretched her free hand for Lena to take it.

Lena placed her other hand on Kara’s and the kryptonian joined their hands on her chest. Observing Lena’s knuckles again. “What happened?” she asked gently.

“Do you want the lie or the truth?” Lena replied and Kara looked at her a bit surprised, picking up on Lena’s attempt to lighten the mood.

“The truth please” Kara said smiling slowly and Lena exhaled, noticing her posture relaxed as well. 

“I am learning to fight” Lena said.

Kara blinked. Apparently today was the day she was going to be surprised by everyone.

“What” Lena said in a defensive whisper.

“Nothing” Kara said and slowly lowered their hands, Lena found herself wishing she wouldn’t let go just yet.

“I can’t expect you to save me every time I am in danger and since we can’t find Lex yet-”

“Please don’t” Kara interrupted her again, stepping back. Lena raised an eyebrow taken aback by Kara’s abrupt reaction. “Let’s not talk about him” she said, her voice stern. 

Lena didn’t want to push her. She didn’t want to argue either but now she was becoming a bit annoyed by Kara’s answers. “Why? Why we can’t talk about him?” 

Kara gave her a stern look, as if expecting Lena to understand.   
“Really?” Lena asked instead, stepping forward as Kara took another step back.

Kara crossed her arms. She didn’t mean to sound condescending but the idea of Lena in danger again was not sitting well in her mind. She believed Lena could defend herself, but she preferred it if she were away from danger, specially in situations like the one she had been with Andrea. Situations Kara hadn’t know about. Situations caused by Lex that yet again Kara couldn’t stop.

“Do you really need me to tell you?”

“Do I really need to ask?”

And there it went a week of progress Lena thought.

Kara shook her head. “You want to talk about the only person responsible for this?” she pointed between them. “As if we didn’t talk about him enough…every single day” she said turning her back to Lena, hands akimbo and shaking her head. She couldn’t hide the frustration in her voice.

“Okay so you hate him, I hate him too…you know…” Lena huffed she bit back the _I may have more reasons to hate him too!_ They were past petty fighting, Lena could do that. Lena had to _try_.

“Right, so maybe if you learn to fight and train enough you can what…kill him?” Kara said and turned around, realizing the words that came out of her mouth too late. She swallowed hard observing Lena’s posture stiffen.

“Oh that’s rich” Lena spat back. “We are jumping to conclusions again” 

“That…that, came out wrong” Kara quickly tried to save the situation.

“Did it?” “Because it sounded like that’s exactly what you are thinking” Lena said, knowing she was challenging Kara now. But she was getting tired of circling around their pile of unspoken things.

Kara took up the challenge. “Am I right, though?” she asked calmer but firm. _What if you die trying?_

Lena took a deep breath and shook her head. “So, I should answer all your questions, but you still can’t answer mine” she said and she didn’t want to deflect. She didn’t trust Kara’s reaction if she knew Lena was more inclined to kill Lex than have him sent to jail. 

“You…” Kara took a deep breath frustrated, Lena wanted to discuss Lex yet kept avoiding her questions. 

“You see? You don’t need to be so annoyed by my answers” Lena said knowing that it was a low and immature tease, but she couldn’t help it. Kara was always so offended by some of her plans, that it still may Lena wonder why she kept coming back. Doubts, doubts and more doubts seemed to be blossoming between them as if trying to be friends again was not hard enough.

“And you don’t need to do things that make me mad…” Kara finally said.

That was new.

Lena looked at her. Kara remained silent because that was another topic they avoided mentioning.

“It is not my problem you can’t control your sharp self-sense of morality” Lena said letting her anger find its way out. She could see Kara tensing gradually again.

“You are always so quick to snap back at me, aren’t you?” Kara replied, because Lena seemed to be missing her entire point, one more time. 

“As you are”

“I am not-” Kara tried to argue but Lena interrupted her. 

“Really?” Lena walked up to her, their bodies almost touching. She looked up and found blue eyes looking back at her. Frustrated, annoyed but never cold. Lena’s anger faltered. “Are you really patient with me or you just swallow your disappointment deep down until I cross a line?” she asked in a whisper.

Before, Kara had done that _before_ , when Lena didn’t know her identity. When Kara was making mistakes because Lena’s reactions managed to get under her skin and she couldn’t just think clearly. But she had apologized. Now, now all she wanted was to protect Lena and the brunette seemed resolute to not let her _do_ it.

“It seems sometimes you really like to test me” Kara said mindful of their new closeness and surprised Lena was bold enough to initiate. Lena raised a perfectly curved eyebrow that sounded like _Do I?_ Kara shook her head, discovering that maybe Lena Luthor was not as in control of her reactions with her. The realization calmed her, so she spoke again. 

“Would you really tell me if you were planning to kill Lex?” Kara asked, her voice a whisper. Lena’s green eyes were shining, challenging Kara to say things she didn’t know how to say.

But she had to try.

Lena held Kara’s gaze for a couple of seconds. Again, feeling how the space around them shrank when she stepped close enough to Kara. 

“Lex has the capacity to bring the worst in other people…in anyone” Lena said. “Someone has to kill him so he stops doing that” Lena admitted realizing that delaying the truth would just make things worst between them.

“I tried” Kara finally said.

Lena blinked and stepped back surprised, Kara stepped forward and reached for her hands. Lena let her hold them again and waited.

“During crisis I saw Lex and I didn’t even think about stopping before attacking him…I wanted to kill him because he had hurt you…I wanted to stop him from doing it again” she said looking down at Lena’s hands.

She looked back at Lena. “Do you really think I am just patient with you?” she asked.

Lena shook her head, “I think you have a lot of patience with me” she said letting go of her hands. “But I also think you are still mad at me…” “I can’t blame you either…and I get stuck in this…a limbo between you taking all in and me trying to figuring things out…” 

Kara took a steadying breath realizing they really sucked at open communication. “I am mad…in a way, but I won’t just up and leave” she said honestly. “But I am also scared that you will go back to pushing me away…as if you couldn’t see me anymore…” _Even though you saved my life_. “I am more scared of losing you than mad at you” she said firmly.

Lena huffed trying not cry because she remembered Kara telling her something similar and she choose not to believe her, now though, it was different. She turned around and closed her eyes to hide her tears. “I would die for you” Lena said unable to admit it while looking at Kara. It was too much vulnerability to handle…too many emotions that didn’t make sense but existed and seemed to be running through her skin like electricity. If Kara touched her Lena thought she could ignite a spark.

The urge to hug Lena burned through Kara’s body again, but she didn’t do it. Instead she stepped closer to Lena’s back. The proximity had the same calming effect of the night before. She exhaled and closed her eyes for a moment. Lena appreciated the silent. She could feel her own fears and her decision of not letting go of the wrong person resurfacing with renewed force. Yet, Kara’s proximity seemed to wash them down at the same time, as if keeping a silent balance. 

“I know” Kara said after another moment, calmer.

Lena opened her eyes, surprised one more time.

“I know because Andrea told me…and it just reminds me how Lex can use our… _issues_ …against each other…” “It makes me feel weak” Kara finally admitted.

“You hate feeling weak” Lena whispered without turning around.

Kara didn’t contradict her. “I don’t like feeling weak…but I hate feeling unable” she clarified.

“And I don’t like feeling incapable” Lena said and she took a deep breath before turning around. To show vulnerability was difficult, mostly in the face of someone who had seen almost all of you, Lena never felt as naked in front of someone as she felt in front of Kara. “And I hate knowing Lex could use me to hurt you again…because hurting me was never his objective…he wanted to hurt you…I was a means to an end…I can’t allow it again”

Kara felt the tension decrease around them which prompted her to put her hands on Lena’s shoulders. “I hate feeling unable to protect you” she clarified further. “It’s about protecting you…all I have been trying to do is protect you”

Lena placed her hands on Kara’s. “I told you once, humans are fragile…for all I know I could die at any moment…” “I can’t wait behind a computer Kara, not if it’s you against my brother…the same one I made the mistake to help…”

“You helped him because he is your brother” Kara indicated

“You see?” Lena squeezed Kara’s hands “You even try to protect me for the way I think about him”

“Because you are good…”

“Many good people are capable of great evil too…you saw me” Lena said and Kara huffed. “But to not cross that line I need to own my mistakes, Kara…and you can’t protect me from all the consequences…I don’t want you to protect me from all the consequences…I need to protect myself”

“And I don’t want you to die while trying to proof a point” Kara insisted squeezing Lena’s hands. Now she realized that Lena’s stubbornness matched hers, inch by inch.

“Didn’t me almost dying saved your life?” Lena asked.

“Rao…don’t say that” Kara shook her head starting to get annoyed with Lena’s argumentative skills. “I don’t want you to die for me”

“How am I supposed to make you understand?” Lena added shaking her head as well. She knew Kara was stubborn, but really? She was trying to make a point and the stubborn kryptonian would not let her. “You need to be okay with letting me go without feeling guilty…not only because we are trying to fix a friendship here but because Lex will definitely take advantage of that”

“And you will have to be okay with me not doing that” Kara contradicted letting go of her shoulders and crossing her arms. “You want to be capable of defending yourself, that’s perfect…you want to do it so you can get to Lex…on your own? No, I won’t allow it…”

“When did I say I planned to do it on my own?” Lena asked and she tried to not sound surprised by Kara’s suspicions, which were mostly true.

“You have a flare for the dramatic Lena, when you do something you do it big…no shortcuts no extra help…and if I am not careful I am out of the loop in seconds” Kara indicated shaking her head disapprovingly. She never doubted Lena’s capacity, what worried was Lena’s capacity to get things done on her own, without help when it can be dangerous.

Lena remained silent, trying to process the emotions of pride and fondness that blossomed in her chest with Kara’s response. Kara knew her or was getting to know her well, so much she could predict some of Lena’s tactics.

“So until we find Lex, we agree to disagree” Lena pointed out after a couple of seconds. 

Kara’s lips pursed as if she were trying to keep her mouth close. Lena rolled her eyes. “It’s best to call it a truce” Lena said.

“I know, I am just trying to come up with a logical counter-argument to you killing Lex” Kara said.

“I never said-“

“Ha! I’m trying to stay in the loop” Kara said raising a hand so Lena would stop talking. Lena sighed.

“Got it…so, in your analysis, did you factor in that I just told you, me, a kryptonian couldn’t kill him…what makes you think you can?” Kara asked and wiggled her eyebrows. It was childish of her, but it was information Lena had to consider as well.

Lena crossed her arms and tilted her head to the side. “You can’t kill him because well…” she hesitated but said it anyways “your self-righteousness won’t allow it…you probably attacked him because you knew he had fair means to defend himself against you…or at least expected it…which makes you expect him to be on the same fighting level as you…which sets you up for well…failure” “And I didn’t say I will kill him, if he doesn’t push me to, that is”

Kara sighed defeated. She didn’t miss that Lena was still vague on her decision on Lex’s fate. But the _if he doesn’t push me_ was enough. She would figure out how to get to Lex before Lena somehow. She didn’t want Lena to kill Lex not only because she still believed he should stand trial but also because she was afraid of what Lena would feel if she did. After all, as Lena said, Lex did have the ability to bring the worst in people even after dead. “Okay, let’s agree to disagree” she accepted uncrossing her arms.

Lena mimicked her. “You know, Luthors are smart but our DNA is really fragile…Luthors have a history of dementia, baldness and cancer…that’s a terrible combination…I don’t even expect to live to sixty…my father lived to fifty-five” Somehow they were not fighting anymore. Somehow, she still had tears in her eyes…and her sense of humor was as terrible as ever.

Kara groaned. “Is this your morbid humor?” “Because it’s the first time I hear of it and I don’t like it”

Lena chuckled, Kara looked at her, and Lena could see she had tears in her eyes as well. Kara smiled back and sniffed. They remained silent for a couple of seconds until Kara spoke again.

“Did we just talked about Lex without biting our heads off?” she asked.

“I think we did” Lena said sitting on the couch, Kara followed her and smiled. “I’m sorry for calling you self-righteous, though…I know you don’t like it” Lena added while yawning, she covered her mouth and blinked. Realizing they must have been talking for like an hour.

Kara shrugged smiling again. “I have been called that so many times already…and is rather true” she admitted scratching the back of her neck nervously. Lena was the first person she admitted that to, openly.

Lena chuckled again and played with her fingers. “It does come with the heroing stuff” she said without looking at Kara. “And sometimes…yeah, sometimes you do know better”

Kara didn’t register when, but she had scooted closer to Lena and placed one hand over hers, and this time Lena intertwined their fingers and squeezed. “Sometimes you know better as well” Kara whispered, and she could hear their hearts beating fast as if racing together towards a finish line that was waiting for them. “I know I already apologized…but I am truly sorry about the way I reacted with the kryptonite and Reign..”

Lena closed her eyes briefly and bit her lower lip to hold back a sniff. “I knew that I could have reacted better, but-“ her voice broke, because that’s a situation she kept finding herself into, almost reacting better.

“You shut me out so quickly…and I know it’s not an excuse…but it made me afraid, and I just couldn’t bring myself to tell you who I was after that…” “You looked at Supergirl as some stranger…you were so mad…and for a second I imagined you looking at Kara Danvers the same way and I just couldn’t take it…and I also wanted to protect you…and-“ Kara sighed because she ran out of breath so she looked down at their hands.

“I know” Lena interrupted her and let go of her hand to clean her tears with her thumbs. “I know” she repeated. “I wanted it to be enough, you had saved my life so many times…and I tried for Supergirl to be enough…I was just not ready for Kara Danvers to be Supergirl and-”

“And Lex was ready for it” Kara completed standing up abruptly.

Lena stood up as well. Kara turned around and this time Lena could feel the frustration radiating out of Kara’s body. She hadn’t seen it before, much less sensed it as in that moment. Kara’s usually warm demeanor turned cold and even though she was right in front of Lena, it felt like an invisible wall was between them.

Lena took another deep breath. She hadn’t miss that Kara had been trying to make it better for both of them after their fight when they were trying to stop Reign. She had noticed Kara had taken the first steps too, and Lena knew, if Lex wouldn’t have told her Kara’s identity before Kara could, Lena knew things would have been different. But also, maybe Lena would have not had the chance to see the darkest sides of her, and confront them. _I am not a monster like you_ her own words echoed in her mind and they gave her the last push she needed.

“Lex didn’t break me Kara, your secrets didn’t break me…” Lena whispered stepping closer, carefully to not startle the tensed kryptonian. “You didn’t fail me” she added, and she wondered if she should be this lucky to get a second chance. “You hurt me, but I was already a bit broken” she finally said.

Kara closed her eyes at the admission, Lena hugged herself.

“All of us are a bit damaged, all of us are flawed and I completely forgot that’s what makes us human…” Lena added. “I completely forgot that’s what makes you human…your flaws”

Kara turned around, unable to find words to respond.

“I should have known better than let Lex’s stupid words get under my skin…mind controlling the world was a new level of nonsensical justification to stop feeling pain…as if I were some evil genius amateur…” Lena continued while a shiver ran through her spine. The memories were still there but hurt a bit less now. Lena Luthor could have made terrible mistakes but she was no coward, the cycle of pain that started with Lex, would end with her no matter what she did.

Kara observed Lena in that moment, red nose and teary eyes. She wanted to comfort her, say something…but she knew this was Lena wanting her to listen, so she did just that. And Lena appreciated it. She could see Kara wanted to hug her, and she appreciated she didn’t. Not yet…not when Lena was discovering a new strength within herself.

“If it would have been a movie, they would have fired the writers” Kara commented trying to lighten the mood. 

Lena shook her head. “Imagine the plot, genius businesswoman goes nuts in unreasonable ways in three days…those writers probably have a deep lack of imagination” she added and smiled.

Kara chuckled. It felt good that they could joke about it now. It felt less of a recent event and more like an old nightmare. She felt a little lighter, less guilty. “Don’t take it the wrong way but…if you would have wanted to take over the world…really wanted to do it…”

Lena blinked surprised and Kara just shrugged. “Are you really asking me that question?” she said. “Right now?”

“I am just curious” Kara admitted. Although, she also meant it. She had seen all of Lena up to now, and she wanted Lena to truly believe that they could discuss anything…even something as extreme as world domination. Kara wasn’t afraid anymore. She had learnt, she could trust her own instincts on people, she could trust Lena…and ironically, Kara couldn’t help but feel closer to Lena than before. It was a new kind of freedom to be able to be with someone who knew all the sides of you and accepted you wholeheartedly as Lena was trying to do, secrets and kryptonite included. For any outsider, it could be a bit twisted, and a bit difficult to understand but for Kara…for Kara it made sense. 

“Then I wouldn’t tell you how I would do it”

Kara deflated. “But…but open communication is exactly what we had been practicing…” she said stepping closer to Lena again, the brunette shook her head. “Really? You will not tell me?” she asked and this time Lena took her hands.

“If I tell you then you would have an idea on how to stop me” Lena cleverly indicated.

“But that’s the point of us working together isn’t it?” “I get to stop you when your genius decides to cross over the realm of world domination” Kara said jokingly. Yet, she was really curious, sometimes she had wondered that herself. If she and Kal decided to conquer the world, how would they do it? She still didn’t have a clear idea. Lena would definitely try to stop them…and Alex, and Brainy and Nia…and most likely everyone else. She chuckled imagining people attached to her back trying to stop her from flying up high.

“I don’t think I appreciate you referring to my genius as some alternate personality” Lena said. “But it kinda is the point…” she admitted moments later. “That is if I chose to listen to you and your self-righteous monologues” Lena could literally imagine herself in her lab trying to test a material capable of harnessing the sun’s energy. She immediately thought of a single company controlling a single energy resource capable of powering humanity for many years. The political and financial power it would give to its owner would be unparalleled. That idea was terrifying but…the discovery itself would be… _cool…and badass…and so deliciously interesting._ She saw herself explaining that to Kara and Kara starting a power point presentation on why it was not such a good idea to industrialize it immediately. In another reality, she also imagined Kara fighting the government so they wouldn’t take that material. The idea made her shiver. She sighed…maybe she needed a whole planet to herself to work on her inventions without having to deal with people’s greed.

“Oh Rao, Lena are you actually imagining that?” Kara asked and Lena jumped in her spot, realizing Kara had been observing her and again, the blonde seemed to know her better than she expected.

“Nope” she quickly said.

“You were actually thinking about it! Right this second!” Kara exclaimed.

Lena sighed. “Well…”

Kara shook her head.

“You were the one who asked me!” Lena exclaimed. “I won’t be blamed for that!” she added and let go of Kara’s hands.

“Hey” Kara stopped her. “I have another question”

Lena turned. Kara took her hands again, and this time Lena didn’t miss how they seemed to be doing that lately. Kara was not saying anything yet, so this time Lena observed Kara’s hands, aside from being warm, they were soft and delicate to the touch. Lena was not surprised to not find scars on them but was surprised of the control Kara exerted, those same hands could split metal in half in seconds. Lena couldn’t help but wonder if Alex had made Kara try to break every metal in the chemistry table. She also wondered if Kara would let her run some of those tests.

_Deliciously interesting…_ indeed.

“Have you chosen someone you are willing to pitch your ideas to?” Kara asked.

The question put a stop to Lena’s thoughts and made her look up at Kara. She remained silent noticing Kara was holding her breath. “You are really asking, aren’t you?” she said after a couple of seconds.

Kara just nodded. It was important to her, she thought of Alex and how she could get through Kara even when Kara was not able to find some clarity herself. Kara hoped she could be that for Lena, and maybe with time Lena could be that to her too. 

Lena waited. Although she already had an answer. “I chose you” she said.

Kara smiled instantly. “Really” she said.

“Yeah” Lena reassured and was taken aback when her cheeks started blushing for no apparent reason. In the past, she and James had a similar conversation…it had been more serious than Kara’s jokes about world domination and Lena definitely didn’t… _blush_ …because of it. “Yeah” she repeated avoiding Kara’s eyes and finding her hands more interesting again.

“Even if I give you arguments you won’t like?” Kara said teasingly.

“That’s still debatable, I am a fast learner” Lena defended. “The question is, will I scare you away?” she asked looking up again.

Kara huffed. “Not in a thousand years Lena, even if you expect me to be scared…I would worry but I’ll stay” Lena hummed in response.

“What happens if we discover something together?” Kara continued “You know, until now you never had my input…and I am really smart too”

“Then we get a patent and hopefully you are paid better” Lena said, this time Kara let go of one of her hands and started walking towards the balcony. Lena followed her lead, her mind travelling to a future she would have never dreamed of. She couldn’t help but picture Kara floating in the middle of a lab, while Lena solved equations on a whiteboard and Kara pointed out her approach on how to solve them.

“Hopefully, you let me pay for brunch instead” Kara’s voice brought her back to reality. Lena shook her head and rolled her eyes. She was ready to reply, when-

“I have a list of places to have lunch dates, if you would like me to facilitate Miss Luthor” Hope’s voice interrupted them.

Lena sighed and Kara instinctually jumped in front of her. “What?” she asked looking around and then back at Lena.

“I said I have a list of places to have lunch dates” Hope repeated.

Kara turned to look at Lena. “Is that your AI?”

“My name is Hope” Hope said.

Lena groaned. “It is and she has a bug…” “Hope, we weren’t talking to you” she added.

“I am sorry Miss Luthor, I thought my services were required” Hope apologized.

“What were your suggestions though?” Kara asked and Lena looked at her surprised. Kara shrugged. “What…it is food…probably good food…”

“But-“ This is what Lena was fearing, Kara’s undying curiosity and Hope’s undying need to _facilitate_. They had met now, there was nothing Lena could do.

“There are actually three new restaurants that both of you would enjoy, the menus have equal vegetarian and non-vegetarian options as well as acceptable portion sizes”

Kara smiled excited. “Really!? Where?!”

“Kara…” Lena warned, and this time started pushing her through the balcony door.

“But Lena, those are good suggestions…remember how long it took us to find a restaurant both would like?” “Three months Lena, three months” Kara said while she let herself being maneuvered out of the brunette’s penthouse.

“I can make reservations for you, there is an opening in two days” Hope continued.

Kara latched onto the balcony doorframe at the information and just looked at Lena. “Could we have at least one brunch date?” she asked, one step still inside the penthouse, and one step on the balcony.

Lena was pulling from her arm, but she thought Kara was just letting her entertain the idea she could actually push her. Lena relented and as if on cue. “Miss Luthor?” Hope asked.

“Are you sure?” Lena asked looking at Kara, not wanting to move things too fast for either of them.

Kara nodded emphatically making Lena chuckle and her heart was one more time filled with fondness. “Yes, Hope…you can make reservations…” Lena finally said.

A couple of seconds later. “Reservations have been made, I am happy to be of service” Hope said and then went silent.

After Kara left, Lena entered her penthouse and looked around. “Hope, I really need to fix that bug of yours”

“I was just following protocol Miss Luthor” “You have been upset lately, and a bit depressed…your serotonin levels however, they increase whenever you see Supergirl”

“I can handle my own…social life Hope” Lena complained.

“Of course, you can Miss Luthor. But based on you and Supergirl’s interactions, you would never ask each other out if I don’t do it…you care…a lot…about each other”

“We would have _eventually_ ” Lena replied trying to ignore Hope’s patronizing tone regarding her social life decisions.

“You would have done so in two years, based on my calculations” Hope answered.   
  
Lena just groaned.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and Alura get to talk about the past. Lena puts a plan in motion. Lex puts a plan in motion. Everyone is trying to keep together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
> I know it took a bit longer to update but finally the new chapter is here.  
> This chapter gets the first part of the plot going and I really wanted to go past it in the best way possible. Because next chapter is one of my favorites!  
> I hope you enjoy it and I should be back updating next week!
> 
> As always thanks to everyone for reading and leaving comments!
> 
> (I have not watched all the seasons of Supergirl so I am not sticking to cannon for Kara and Alura's relationship)

Kara chose to write the article for Andrea. Which also meant that she had to go visit her mother in Argo City. 

She wasn’t particularly excited about that. Her relationship with her mother was…for a lack of better words...distant. In the hierarchy of the dynamics of her family, she got along better with Astra, then her father and finally Alura. It wasn’t that they didn’t get along, it was just that Kara couldn’t remember the last time they spent together as mother and daughter. Even when she was a child, Alura was always busy with the council…and the little moments they saw each other it was for Kara to update Alura with her daily activities and progress in her studies.

If Kara wouldn’t have ended up living on Earth, she would have never realized that Kryptonian family dynamics were rather emotionless. Once she did, she was able to understand why Kal’s parents chose to have him the natural way. A normal pregnancy without the birthing matrix involved.

It hurt Kara to realize she had been _built_ to be something. But it hurt her even more to reject Kara Zor-El.

_“One day you will be the best leader of your generation, yet_ ”

“ _Your qualities make you a promising future head of the council”_

Her father and mother words always reminded her that the birthing matrix made her to fulfill duties she no longer had. At least not with respect to Krypton, and more often that not, those same words made her wonder if she was Supergirl because she was built for it. Because her mind didn’t see any option and becoming a hero was closest to be someone with meaning in her life.

Sometimes she asked herself if being a hero was her own choice rather than the desire to replace the feeling of frustration for not having being able to get to Kal on time, for not being able to claim her place in Kryptonian society…even though all that was left of it was Argo. She had never told Alex those inner doubts, although she suspected her sister knew but they just didn’t talk about it. Mainly because Kara didn’t know how to admit to her sister that even though Earth was her home; it wasn’t feeling like it was hers, and Kara had started to question if through Supergirl she was overcompensating. She was even questioning if she was ready to give up having a meaningful relationship with anyone, to love and be loved, so she could be a full-time superhero. Did she even had a choice? Was the way she was built what would define what she wanted for the rest of her life? 

Maybe she couldn’t do this Kara thought as she turned off the thrusters of the kryptonite suit. Grateful that Lena had managed to upgrade it so she could use it to travel off world as well.

Maybe this was a bad idea, what was she even supposed to ask Alura. How could she ask her anything, when – if she was honest – a small part of herself still resented her mother’s decision to send her away. It worried her to certain extent that she would have chosen to die with her planet. If she was brutally honest with herself – not with Alex, because her sister would just tell her to give up the cape otherwise – Kara thought that she wouldn’t have ended up in this dilemma if no one had saved her. Even though she would have never met Alex who would have probably grown up with Jeremiah, and would have became a scientist instead of a DEO agent. Maybe she would have never met Winn, James, Brainy, Nia, Jon Jonz or Megan, and finally Lena. Maybe Lena would have changed the world singlehandedly and would have never gotten her heart broken by Lex or by her.

_Never meeting Lena_

She took off the suit’s helmet contemplating the idea. It hurt. In a different way than before, when she was afraid of losing her friendship entirely. It hurt in a way that makes you stop breathing because now she knew how it felt to have her back, with their truths in the open. Aside from their arguments, the fact that Lena was still trying to rebuild their friendship made Kara feel important, not left behind…chosen for something much more important than Supergirl.

For a second, returning to Earth to visit Lena seemed a much more enjoyable idea than being there trying to figure herself out.

She took a deep breath and looked around regardless. The lights in the city were dimmed, and it looked as if it were six in the afternoon. There was a three level cascading fountain in front of her, from which water flowed downwards starting at the largest basin and ending at the smallest, to later fill up the entire oval pool at its base. Kara noticed that the cascades were made of crystal and Rao’s symbol was levitating on top. Kara closed her eyes and prayed to her god briefly. When she opened her eyes, she walked around for a while. The fountain was at the center of an egg-shaped field full of grass and trees. Children were playing on the grass and parents were walking on the pavement surrounding it. It seemed they had reached an agreement that no adult could enter the grass while children were playing. Some residents that were walking around recognized her and waved at her with smiles.

Kara smiled back as the suit neatly folded on her chest, leaving her only with her usual Supergirl attire.

“You know, you could wear more comfortable clothing if you wanted to” Alura said behind her and Kara turned around, surprised her mother was so rapidly aware of her arrival.

“Hello mother” she said tilting her head and unconsciously placing her hands on her hips.

Alura walked up to her and touched her cheek. “I haven’t seen you in months…I am glad you are here” she said and then retreated indicating Kara to follow her. “Maybe this coincidence is Rao’s doing” she said as they walked by what seemed to be a residential zone.

Kara quickly recognized her mother’s house. The house of El’s crest had been printed on flags which poles had been buried deep in the soil. The flags were on each side of the entrance of the house which had the shape of a pyramid with glass walls. The walls diffracted the light in a such a way that the interior lightning was similar to a red sun.

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that” Kara commented suddenly feeling overwhelmed by memories of her childhood. Apparently, her mother had dedicated all her time to replicate most of the physical appearance of their home in Krypton.

“I would” Alura contradicted as they walked inside what was equivalent to a livingroom for Earth’s standards. The room was so painfully similar to the one they had in Krypton. The floor was covered in a white ceramic material. The decoration was minimal, white and blue were the predominant colors. What would classify as sofas or couches, were a modular set of white cushioned rectangular prims arranged in a half moon around a center table. The table and the wooden support of the modular set was painted in dark blue. 

Suddenly Kara felt misplaced. Her Supergirl attire made her feel more from Earth than from Krypton, even though she was wearing the colors of her house. She could remember herself as a child running around in a similar home, playing hide and seek with Astra; yet now it didn’t feel like home. She didn’t realized she had been staring at an invisible point until her mother spoke again, the older Kryptonian even had time to leave Kara to her own musings and the blonde barely paid attention.

“I was meaning to call you here but after I found it, I didn’t know how” Alura said walking back inside the room.

Kara noted her mother’s expression usually composed turned worried. Her brown eyes looked down to the object in her hands and when she looked up to Kara, she gave her a sad smile and opened her hands.

Kara took a step closer, observing what her mother was holding. When she recognized it, she couldn’t say anything in response.

“It’s Astra’s bracelet” Alura whispered and Kara took a deep breath, taking the rounded but thin platinum bracelet in her hands. It was light to her fingers and cold to her touch. Pretty much like the memories of the first person she considered a hero in her life.

“I thought she had it when she escaped Fort Rozz” Kara managed to say, recognizing the Kryptonian engraving on the interior surface of the bracelet.

“She had the bracelet Non gave her when they chose to join their lives and build a family” Alura indicated tilting her head so they could sit down. Kara silently followed her. “Not the one our mother gave to us” 

The information didn’t surprise Kara. Yet she remained silent, while one more time her mind travelled to past times when her life was a bit happier, less empty.

_“Can I tell you a secret little one?”_ Astra had said ages ago, when Kara was ten years old and Astra had become her hero. Kara had nodded her head expectantly, while holding her aunt’s neck. Astra had taken her to walk among Kryptonian soldiers to greet them and make sure everyone was well treated; and they were more than happy to welcome the future -although young- matriarch of the house of El.

_“You are the dearest to me”_ Astra added while observing her soldiers from the highest point in the meadow. Then she looked at Kara and smiled. “ _And if you want it…with time, maybe this could be yours too”_ she whispered observing her entire squadron laughing and eating and just being. That moment was the first time Kara aspired to be something on her own terms, even though it was Astra’s wish. Kara had spent so much time with her aunt by then all the soldiers knew her name and she had even made friends with some of them. All of them had one goal in mind protect Krypton, because their planet was their home, because all the people they cared about lived there…and Kara realized she wanted that, she wanted to protect but not from a seat at the council, she wanted to be there with the rest of them, risking her life if that had to be it. 

That was the only aspect of Supergirl and Kara Zor-El that she didn’t questioned…her desire to protect. She was no Kryptonian soldier but she still protected the ones in need because that was something she chose to do. She would have probably done so in Krypton, even if her mother and father would have wanted her to take a different path. She could almost imagine a different reality, in which Astra tried to convince Alura that the military life was good for Kara.

Maybe…maybe, maybe. For all she knew, Alura could have probably prohibited.

“I think she would have wanted you to have it” Alura said startling Kara from her thoughts.

“I didn’t think you would want me to have it” the words escaped Kara’s mouth before she realized what she had said.

Kara tightened the grip around the bracelet and didn’t look up. There, she had opened pandora’s box. Although she didn’t expected much of a reaction from her mother. After all, Alura was always composed; it came with her role. She was some sort of jury, imparted laws and imparted judgement. Always partial and always choosing the greater good.

“Hum”

The lack of a well articulated and probably emotionally balanced response surprised Kara, she looked up and her mother was looking at the table in front of them, as if it held all the answers to their distant relationship.

“I think, I think I owe you an apology” Alura finally said and Kara blinked, dumbfounded.

The _Are you serious?_ was at the tip of her tongue but Kara Zor-El reign in Kara Danvers and reacted as a respectable daughter of Alura Zor-El.

Alura looked at her and nodded, not really noticing Kara’s agape expression. “I made a terrible mistake, Astra loved you and I betrayed her trust and yours; mostly yours” she said, and Kara wanted to remained as composed. She really tried, but who she was kidding.

Kara Zor-El had lost her capacity to keep her impulses in check. Lena was the expert on receiving the other end of Kara’s non-kryptonian reactions.

She stood up taking a very deep breath as a last attempt to be less emotional and more Kryptonian.

“I underestimated how much you cared for her…”

“Are you kidding me?” Kara interrupted. Alura remained seated and just crossed her hands on her laps, as she usually did when she was attending one of her council meetings. It infuriated Kara.

“Are we really talking about aunt Astra? The sister you sent to Fort Rozz just because you made me call her?” Kara said looking at her mother straight in the eye. “This is not one of your council meetings mother, this is me…the only daughter you have and the one you sent to Earth because you…care for me” she said and finally it seemed to dawn on Alura.

She stood up as regally as she always did and sighed. She looked defeated but Kara just turned around shaking her head. “I can’t believe this is how you want to talk about her”

“I don’t even know how to begin” Alura admitted.

“You are always good with words” Kara contradicted, leaving the _it’s not an excuse_ hanging in the air.

“I was never good with you, Astra was…your father was…even your uncle Jor-El was” Alura commented.

Kara remained with her back turned but closed her eyes. It was the truth. “I am sorry for using your love for Astra, and using you to capture her”

“You don’t get to apologize” Kara said, against her own instinct. There were moments like this in her life, in which she could tell it was her human side reacting. Kara Zor-El would have rationalized her anger somehow. But she had done it already, when she thought her mother was dead, when she thought she had no one left because to not hate on the dead was a perfectly good excuse.

“Kara” _Zor-El_ her mother’s warning tone reminded her when she used her last when Kara didn’t want to listen to her.

“You know what happened to her?” Kara asked her, opening her eyes and looking at the bracelet. Her mother remained silent so she continued. “She escaped Fort Rozz, came to Earth with Non and a group of Kryptonian escapees…she tried to mind control the Earth” she said and turned around.

Alura held her gaze and the anger within it. “And when she saw me she tried to kill me…while all I wanted was to hug her…and then…then when I finally convinced her to stop…she died”

Kara kept looking at her mother and tried not to blink even though the tears in her eyes were making her vision blurry. “You used me to get to her, you separated her from me…and she thought I had betrayed her, she thought I knew you were going to capture her” “You lied to me!” she finally exclaimed.

“Kara”

There was no stopping now, the dam had broken.

Kara shook her head vehemently and pointed a finger to her mother while holding Astra’s bracelet. “You and father lied to me, he created myriad and you allowed it. While I was there, living with you…while you taught me that Kryptonians are a more evolved race always choosing the better way…the peaceful way” _what a bunch of bulshitt._

“You have no idea how hard it was to find out all you did in the name of the greater good”

“We did it because we thought it was the right choice to make” Alura said, almost in a whisper.

“I would have understood if you hadn’t left a hologram to tell me everything” Kara said and took a step back. “Rao…I understood even when you left a hologram to tell me everything” she repeated.

“I didn’t complain, not once. Not even when you sent me to Earth chasing Kal’s pod” “You sent me to take care of him…you told me you were saving me to take care of him…and I didn’t question you or father…you know why?” Kara asked and this time she could feel the tears on her cheeks.

Alura nodded. But Kara remained silent.

So Alura took a deep breath and spoke. “Because you were expected to be strong and understanding…it was your duty…it was your role”

“And you sent me to a planet where none of that exists and never took the time to explain it to me, because I was always strong enough to understand on my own” Kara concluded and started walking towards the door.

“Kara” Alura called her but Kara kept walking. “Kara, I am truly sorry” she said and Kara wanted to turn and hug her, she really wanted to but she just couldn’t. She hadn’t felt so lonely as she felt in that moment. So she just left.

Seconds after Alura snapped her fingers and disk-shaped hovering android appeared.

“Please, show my daughter where she can spend the night, I don’t think she will be staying with us”

“As you wish maam” the robot replied and quickly followed Kara outside the house.

.

.

.

Lena’s mother used to say that she could feel when Lena was feeling sad or distressed. Lena was too little to understand, and later when she grew up she stopped believing in her mother’s _sixth sense._ Yet, she remembered.

A long time ago, in their isolated cabin back in Ireland, Lena had spend too much time playing outside in a rainy day. Her mother – who was a school teacher – was still in the city and Lena’s sitter had not been able to convince the young brunette to enter the house to get dry and eat dinner.

It hadn’t been negligence; it was just that Lena was always really stubborn and she just loved feeling the raindrops covering her skin while she ran and ran barefoot on the grass. She would shout at the sky telling it she would get to space someday, and she would meet other civilizations, she imagined she got on a ship and became a space explorer. That was one of the last happy memories she had of her childhood; even though later that evening she got sick, she had a terrible fever and could barely breath. Her sitter stayed with her even past her working hours, and once her mother arrived she brought medicine for her chest congestion and her fever.

_“How did you know?”_ the sitter had asked while Lena barely drank the medicine from a spoon.

_“I felt it in my heart…I couldn’t concentrate and just got this cold shiver on my back; I saw it was raining and I guessed Lena decided to keep running under the rain…the rest was just instinct I think”_ her mother said while holding Lena’s hand.

Now, Lena didn’t feel a cold shiver. But she felt restless and all she could think was Kara.

She sighed, opening her eyes. Giving up on sleeping for the night. She put on her night robe and walked to her balcony. The night was clear and bright, adorned by a full moon. Lena looked up trying to identify some stars making the season’s constellations. Maybe if she found the one that didn’t fit, she could recognize Argo city orbiting somewhere around the Earth.

“Hope, when will Argo be visible from National City?” she asked, feeling a bit more restless than before.

“In an hour Miss Luthor”

Lena just nodded, placing a hand on her chest. When Kara told her she would go to Argo but would be back before their lunch date, Lena was surprised. But she grew worried as well. That gave Lex the perfect opportunity to make a move, that gave her the best opportunity to find a trace on him…but that also meant not telling Kara.

“I am sure Miss Danvers is okay” Hope provided. But Lena didn’t respond, although she noticed Hope’s carefulness to not mention Supergirl in the open space of her balcony.

“Would you like me to call Alex Danvers?” Hope asked and Lena shook her head, taking a deep breath and telling herself Kara was safe in Argo.

“Have you found any financial activity between LuthorCorp and our investors that may be suspicious?” she asked instead. If she wasn’t going to get any sleep, she would rather keep working. Since Lex nor Lillian had been found Lena decided that the best course of action was to follow the money. After all, for whatever plan Lex had he needed money and she had frozen all of Lex’s and Lillian’s bank accounts known to her. When that didn’t get her anything near Lex and Lillian’s location; she decided to take a more drastic measure.

“I have not and I have also hacked the bank accounts of all of LuthorCorps investors, but there is no sign of fraudulent movement” Hope informed. “Are you sure your brother will do something to stop you?”

“I have not forced his hand that much yet” Lena said returning to her penthouse and closing the balcony door. “I want you to cancel all the contracts we have with our investors and – “ she took a deep breath. “Take all the money from LuthorCorp that was assigned to be invested and move it to our charity fund”

“But, Miss Luthor…your company will…the stocks will fall”

“I know” Lena admitted. The board will have a fun morning, she thought. Executing her plan a couple of hours early didn’t affect the outcome. LuthorCorp will cease to exist anyways.

“You could lose everything, cancelling the contracts will make you vulnerable to a lawsuit”

“We will lose all the money the banks know about” Lena admitted “The Luthor fortune was never the backbone of LuthorCorp, it was the investors money…Lillian set it up that way so we wouldn’t lose everything when Lex went mad”

“So if the company goes bankrupt”

“Then I am forced to create a new company to pay LuthorCorp’s debts…which may or may not keep existing if we capture Lex, I doubt our investors will want to be involved with him…so much they will want to get rid off the debts rather than facing jail for funding his stupid ideas” Lena explained settling on her couch.

“What about the ones who didn’t fund him?”

“I don’t think he would have been able to use the Kasnian government to star a war against the United States if he didn’t had the full support of the board and the White House” Lena said.

“Very well, give me a moment” Hope said and then went silent.

.

.

.

At The Tower, Brainy woke up realizing he had fallen asleep on his desk and that he had two missed calls from Nia. He picked up his phone and was about to call her back when a red dot started blinking on his computer screen.

Seconds later Jon and Meghan landed on the balcony entrance and out of breath. “There is a pod leaving Earth’s atmosphere right this moment” Jon said.

Meghan nodded and had to hold Jon when he almost falls forward and to the floor.

“It has a massive heat signature and it’s not only because of friction with the atmosphere” Brainy said this time speed dialing Nia.

“That’s because is armed” Meghan provided while helping Jon sit down.

“We were patrolling and it was Jon’s turn to look like Supergirl, when we follow it somehow it knew we were there and started shooting Kryptonite to Jon, the bullets didn’t get him…it was the sonar attack that hurt him…it’s as if the pod knew that martians are sensitive to soundwaves like Kryptonians are to Kryptonite”

“The Air Force nor the Navy reports any breach or air travel regulations” Braniny said while listening to them.

“It has to be Lex” Jon managed to say. “Call Lena as well. If she doesn’t know already she will definitely want to know now”

Brainy nodded. 

.

.

.

It turned out Lena’s plan to bankrupt LuthorCorp worked faster than she expected. Seconds after the money was cut, a single account transferred LuthorCorps stocks to another account Lena had never heard of. But she recognizes the name anyways: “Sis” Lex was mocking her now.

“There is no owner listed on the account but it’s linked to Prince Industries” Hope said while Lena was changing into tactical clothes. She stopped when she put on a bulletproof vest. “What?”

“It’s CEO is-“

“Diana Prince, I know” Lena said zipping up the vest and putting on a black leather jacket.

“How can Prince Industries invest on LuthorCorp when there is no existent contract between the companies?” Hope asked “I have not found anything legal or financial that could link both”

Lena sighed and walked up to her room, she opened her closet and after pushing away her clothes to the side she opened her secret vault. She pulled out two guns and secured them inside the pockets of her pants. “That’s because we never made business with Prince Industries, they don’t need us…and pursue a different line of investment, he is stealing the money and probably something else”

“Send me the address to their facility”

“It’s not a facility, it’s a house…”

Lena chuckled. “So Lex probably has someone doing his dirty work, how original” she said while taking the car keys of her audi.

“Miss Luthor, anyone could be waiting for you and Supergirl is not here”

“I will be fine Hope…just call Alex Danvers in the meantime”

“Understood”

.

.

.

“Are you kidding me?!” Alex exclaimed as soon as she and Kelly arrived at the tower. “Lena just told me she is chasing a lead and a pod capable of shooting down a martian and a Kryptonian leaves Earth and no one knows about it?” her night couldn’t have gotten worse.

“Lena doesn’t want anyone to go with her” Brainy said “She hang up on me as soon as I asked her where she was”

“Can’t you track her?” Nia asked.

Brainy shook his head. “She keeps blocking my signal”

Alex groaned frustrated. “That AI of hers…damn it” she hissed starting to pace around.

“Hey…hey…calm down, let’s wait for her to call back, okay?” Kelly said taking her hand and stopping her movements.

Alex shook her head. “If something happens to her, Kara…” she didn’t finished talking because in that moment her phone rang.

“Lena?” she asked and signaled Brainy to start tracking the call.

“Al- Alex-?” Lena’s voice could be barely heard, she was breaking up.

“Lena, where are you?” Alex insisted.

“Don’t- Don’t- keep Kara…”

“Lena?”

“Don’t let Kara come back” was all they could hear and seconds after Alex got a text with an address.

“I’ll go turn on the motorcycles” Nia said.

“Brainy come with us” Alex prompted but he was still observing his screen.

“This address…this is not here” he finally said at that Alex turned and looked again.

Brainy kept typing on the computer and brought up a heat map. “This is a two dimensional map of the Earth, we have heat signatures all over the world for different radiation sources…but if you see near the Equatorial line, in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean…there is a white spot”

“Heat maps don’t usually have white spots” Kelly pointed out.

“Unless you have a massive star radiating in the middle of the ocean” Alex reasoned.

“Exactly” Brainy agreed. “This heat signature has only been recorded from Kryptonian engines that are capable of interstellar travel, we can study them but we can’t turn them on, the heat they produce could destroy the Earth’s atmosphere if not properly contained”

In that moment Alex got a new text from Lena with new information. “Crap…fuck, Lex stole some sort of container from Prince Industries capable of withstanding high temperatures…”

“There you go” Brainy said. “Whatever he is doing he needs that engine, the first pod was transporting something else…or it’s a trap for Supergirl, in any case we need to know where he is going”

“And this pod probably has the coordinates already” Kelly reasoned.

“Er…guys?” Nia interrupted them.

Brainy walked up to her taking the motorcycle helmets she was carrying off her hands. “Lex is trying to use Kryptonian pods to leave the Earth and probably will destroy the atmosphere in the process” he quickly informed her.

Nia shook her head processing all the information. “What?” “I just got a call from CatCo, there have been three bomb alerts in the city, one at a Stadium, another at a Hospital and another at a concert” “Lex is what?”

Alex sighed because her night had definitely gone worse. “I can help but Jon needs to stay and rest” Meghan informed them, returning just after Nia. “He was trying to stand up and I had to sedate him”

“Okay, we can do this” Alex said looking at everyone. “Brainy and Nia, go find Lena”

“Kelly go to the Stadium, Meghan Hospital, I will go to the concert…and we may need to call Kara if things get out of hand…although they already are…”

“You don’t have to call Kara” one last voice startled them and all of them turned around.

Superman was standing there. “Miss Luthor contacted me and told me what Lex was doing” he explained “And I agree with her, in any way we look at it, it is also a trap for Kara and myself. That Kryptonian pod is a military pod designed for war and interstellar travel, and is leaving it’s landing site in two hours…Miss Luthor, Lena is already on her way…”

“What?!” Alex exclaimed.

Superman took a deep breath. “Lena’s plan is to get to the pod before it leaves the Earth to find out its destination…and I took her there” he admitted.

“You what?!” Alex exclaimed again.

Kal swallowed hard. “All she wants is to protect Kara and I agree with her. That’s why I am here and that’s why I let her go even though I know Kara will not like it. But I understand what defeating Lex means to Lena. It is the same reason I am here. Lex was my responsibility and I failed, then it became Kara’s problem when it shouldn’t be.”

“You could die too! Lena could die too!” Alex said moving her arms in the air frantically.

“We can’t be in two places at once and we can’t risk Kara’s safety” Nia pointed out.

“I don’t want to risk Kara’s safety either but if something happens to Lena” Alex’s voice broke. “If we don’t tell Kara and do this” 

“Lex wants us to tell Kara, that’s why he is dividing us” Brainy said and Superman nodded. “You know he hates Kara more than anything now because Lena chose her over him” he added and Alex groaned knowing he was right and whishing things were easy for all of them just once. But mostly, whishing none of them would die because one thing was sure, Kara would not forgive herself if something happened to any of them and they didn’t give her the chance to help. Yet, she also understood Lena…heck, she was convinced Lex wouldn’t just leave Earth without trying to kill Kara in the process. They had no other option.

“Alex, we can do this” Kelly said placing a hand on her shoulder. Alex nodded silently.

“Okay, then Meghan, Kelly, Brainy and I take care of the bombs” Nia said.

Alex looked at Superman. “And you and I go to somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean and join Lena” 

“Couldn’t agree more” Kal said walking towards the balcony and waiting there.

Alex quickly kissed and hugged Kelly. “Please be careful” she whispered.

“Just come back to me, okay?” Kelly asked kissing her hands.

“You too” Alex said kissing her one last time, before tearing herself away from her and walking towards Kal. She didn’t look back when they took off. She couldn’t, she needed to tell herself she would see Kelly again.

“We can do this” Brainy said. Nia and Meghan took deep breaths and nodded. 

.

.

.

Kara was trying to sleep and just couldn’t. Alura had sent a robot to show her where she could get a room to spend the night and even though the owners were a really nice family that was extremely excited to have Kara Zor-El in their house, Kara rejected their invitation to have dinner together and went straight to her room.

She supposed hunger was the reason why she was feeling so anxious in that moment. She stood up from the bed and looked outside the room’s window. Noticing a hooded feminine figure entering the house.

Immediately after someone was knocking at her door. It was nearly ten in the evening so she slowly opened the door.

“Mom?” she said when Alura lowered the hood.

Alura shrugged. “I- called asking if you ate and they told me you didn’t…so…hum…I’m here…offering…food” she said extending her arms for Kara to see the tupperware she had been carrying.

Kara step aside to let her in and was about to say she was fine when her stomach growled.

Alura smiled and started placing each tupper on the bed. She had brought six in total. “I asked the cook to make your favorite meal, I hope you remember” she said sitting on the bed and smiling at Kara.

Kara’s heart ached instantly. That was the issue between her and Alura, she had rarely seen Alura’s motherly side. It had always been Alura the head of the Kryptonian council.

Kara sat on the bed and opened the tupper Alura pushed in her direction. The smell of the food quickly reached her nostrils, and she surprised herself recognizing the different fragances. She could still name every single Kryptonian ingredient. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before opening her eyes again and taking a bite. Alura was waiting expectantly.

The different flavors of the meat and its particular seasoning assaulted Kara’s mouth and Kara felt as if something that had been missing for so long was finally back in her heart. She still recognized the earthy flavor of the meat, the almost parsley-like bitterness of the seasoning, even the hidden spiciness of the grains. She still remembered she had to chew slowly to let the spiciness settle in her mouth.

“How?” she asked and she realized a couple of tears had left her eyes.

“We managed to rescue some seeds from Krypton and our farmers had sent pods away full of meat, in case some of us survived…” Alura explained, then looked down. “I have not been opening up to you properly” she said.

“Mom” Kara whispered extending her hand to touch Alura’s.

Alura shook her head. “I am sorry for pushing you away without meaning to”

“No, I am sorry for snapping at you like that” Kara said.

“You were right, I should have prepared you better…I shouldn’t have used you the way I did…and I most definitely shouldn’t have put Kal’s well being on your shoulders…not without explaining everything when I had time” Alura said.

Kara remained silent and Alura pushed the tupper closer to her thigh prompting her to keep eating. Kara took another bite of the food and Alura opened another tupper and started eating as well.

“I always had trouble balancing out Alura Zor-El head of the council and Alura Zor-El as a mother” Alura said after a moment. “I was raised with the sole objective to be your father’s wife and position myself as head of the council…it would bring my family honor and a higher ranking in society”

The confession made Kara remember the aspects of Krypton she didn’t miss, and she realized until that moment she had missed Krypton overlooking the not so kind aspects of its society.

“Astra however, she only cared about the military life. She was designed to be a soldier yes, but she was also so passionate and impulsive. Father and mother wouldn’t understand her. I wouldn’t understand her.”

“But she was able to be closer to you.” Alura smiled and sniffed. “While I thought that to make you strong I had to teach you not to give in your emotions, Astra showed herself to you…I saw her playing with you when you were younger, she would pick you up from your classes, even babysit you when I didn’t have time…and I couldn’t understand how she did it. I didn’t see why she did it, and I didn’t like it”

“Aunt Astra also taught me to punch kids in the face” Kara pointed out trying to ease her mother’s pain. After all, Kryptonian kids could be bullies too, and Astra had told Kara that sometimes bullies only stop being assholes if you kicked them in the head. Kara never did it.

“What I am trying to say is that there is strength in you and that you deserve to be taken care of even if you are as strong as you are, even when you may think your emotions get the better of you…even when I took your strength for granted”

Kara sniffed back some tears and took another bite from the food, unable to respond but feeling the effects of the words regardless. An invisible weight lifted from her shoulders. The frustration and disappointment she had felt for years for not helping Kal, the anger she felt towards her parents, even Astra at some point, felt easier to let go. It was less tiring, still painful yet less consuming. 

Alura smiled, and cleaned the tears on her cheeks with her thumbs. “I admire you. You were raised to follow reason rather than your emotions, all of us including you were designed to follow reason, a set of logical steps. When Earth is the opposite, humans are constantly dealing with emotions, and are constantly trying to balance out reason with feelings…I can’t begin to imagine the difficulties you had to deal with…”

Kara sighed. “I didn’t. I have two personalities…Supergirl and Kara Danvers” she admitted. “But it didn’t work…Supergirl is supposed to be Kara Zor-El and Kara Danvers is supposed to be human. Yet, I made mistakes” she said, thinking of Alex and the way she hurt her sister when she was infected with the Red Kryptonite. Thinking of Lena when she snapped at her as Supergirl and ended up hurting both.

“I learned…hum, no…I am learning” Alura said “That we can’t expect to have a fixed version of ourselves…we are always changing and thanks Rao we do, because it allow us to grow…and maybe, you just need to let Kara Zor-El exist in both aspects of your life, as Supergirl and as Kara Danvers, because you aren’t either…you are both…and Kara Zor-El is from who they have been born”

“Wow” Kara whispered and Alura rolled her eyes. “So this is how it feels to be raised by Alura Zor-El, head of the council and Alura Zor-El matriarch of the house of El”

“Now you are teasing” Alura said opening another tupper.

Kara just shook her head and pushed all the tupperware aside before hugging her mother.

Alura was taken by surprise but hugged her back. “You will always be my little one, even if you are Earth’s mighty hero…even if you are a thousand years old” she said.

After Alura left Kara felt as if she had gained a much-needed clarity even though she was still processing her mother’s words. Supergirl had the iron will and honor from Kara Zor-El and Kara Danvers embodied Kara Zor-El’s patience and hidden shyness. The difference was contrasting, but Kara realized she had forgotten that she didn’t have to strictly separate them, Supergirl could use Kara Danvers patience and Kara Danvers could use Supergirl’s boldness. Of course, she still had to protect her identity but it didn’t have to make her feel that she was pushing Kara Zor-El aside or that she was pushing her own identity away. 

Kara yawned and closed her eyes, sleep slowly taking over her. She covered herself with the blankets on the bed and hugged one of the pillows.

The feeling of loneliness that had filled her heart early was a distant thought now. Yet, in some corner of her sleepy mind she whished to have someone to share this moment with. Not her conversation with her mother but rather the happiness it brought to her.

A different kind of yearning embraced her, the type that makes you feel fuzzy and warm and makes you stay in bed because the dream becomes better than reality.

_“You are happy”_ a familiar voice whispered close to her ear.

Kara didn’t open her eyes, she just smiled, feeling a warm body pressing against her back.

_“Yeah”_ she answered starting to recognize the voice but not being able to call a name.

_“You deserve it”_ the voice said again and this time, soft lips kissed her neck.

Kara slowly opened her eyes and turned around without breaking the comfortable hug she had been yearning for since she fell asleep.

For a second Kara forgot how to breath, dark wavy hair framed the sharp corners of a familiar face. Slowly, Kara raised her hand and let her fingers touch the woman’s face, as if she could recognize her by tracing the shape of her eyelids, the dimples on her cheeks…her lips.

“ _Lena_ ” Kara whispered, letting her fingers linger on parted lips.

Lena kissed her fingertips and Kara just observed her. 

_“I will miss you”_

The words echoed in Kara’s head and she started feeling anxious again. She removed her hand abruptly finally realizing how close they were and the way she had touched Lena.

She jumped off the bed immediately and her body missed the warmth Lena’s body had provided but she willed herself to wake up anyways.

“Lena” she repeated when she managed to open her eyes. She turned around recognizing the room. She was alone, and she was sweating. Now she was sure something was not right. She had to go back to Earth. She had to make sure the odd feeling she kept having was just that, a feeling.


End file.
